"You do it to yourself, you do, and that’s what really hurts”

A year on, and I’m still torn with questions from “the divorce.” Okay, so we never actually got married… I never even got the chance to ask her. But my mind was made up, I was going to ask her, I was ready to dive in and commit my life to her, and that’s what makes it hurt so much more. What I long for now is no longer the person. That girl, that name, that person who once stole my heart is no longer the same. This new person that she’s become doesn’t interest me, she’s changed in fundamental ways that make me question what I thought I knew about her, about us. But, It’s that connection we used to have, the relationship that used to define us that I miss, and wonder if I’ll ever have it that good again. She was my confidant, my sidekick, my muse, my inspiration. We literally made beautiful music together. People envied us. We could do anything. Will I ever find another girl whose voice made angels dance to the music we played? Will she drive me farther and higher than I ever imagined I could go? Will she know just how to make me smile when it seems like the world’s falling apart? Will she be sweet, compassionate, and strong? Maybe I’m expecting too much… but then again, I’ve had it that good, and I don’t think I could ever be satisfied with less. I miss those good times, but at the same time I know that I can’t go back to them so I keep going in hopes that it might happen again, eventually. And next time I’ll know better than to fuck it up like I did.